How NOT to manage your burnout
Burnout is not a new thing, especially when it comes to work. You know the feeling, though. Stressed to the point that you just cannot get out of your own way. Exhausted, braindead, stalling out creatively, finding every small annoyance suddenly has a volume that goes up to 11. Given the ongoing shitstorm of catastrophe piling on top of catastrophe, it’s easy to get bogged down and burnt out on…pretty much anything. And while I admire people who spent their pandemic lockdowns learning new crafts, taking online classes, planting gardens, etc., I do so in the same way I might observe an alien. Awed, puzzled, interested, disbelieving. I spent that time sick, in the hospital, and then back to work. I never had time to “enjoy” any of it the way others seemed to.
So perhaps that’s why I felt the burnout so acutely from the beginning — I was already burnt out when everything went to hell. Two years later, however, I’ve gotten to watch family, friends, and colleagues all start hitting the wall, one after another. I feel a bit like Cassandra, my warnings unheeded for months. Everyone reacts differently to stress, grief, boredom, fatigue, and uncertainty, and I believe there’s no wrong way to be, as long as it’s not hurting you or anyone else. That said, here are a few words of wisdom on how NOT to try and make your way in this ongoing dumpster fire we call today.
First? Stop beating yourself up. Take note of how many times you use the word “should” while talking about yourself. It’s a word we typically use on ourselves when we feel bad already — I should be performing better at work, I should clean out my closet, I should I should I should. Using that word is actively regretting doing or not doing a thing, even though you actually don’t have the perspective to know if the “should” is going to be a source of regret. It’s a guilt word. At the end of the day, no one knows whether or not you cleaned out your closet, and they wouldn’t care if they did know. So go easy on yourself. Even the people who look like they’ve got it all together are just faking it really well. You can be honest, acknowledge that you’re human, that adulting is mostly bullshit, that just surviving today is okay. Let me repeat this: It is totally, 100% fine to just exist today, just breathe.
Second, pushing through it is not a great idea. I’m not saying drop everything and give up. I am saying that when your body is twisted up in knots, you’re so tired you’re falling asleep…while drinking coffee, and you find yourself having to reread things but still don’t remember any of it? All signs point to just fucking stop and rest a minute. I get it — the fear of stopping and never being able to start again, of losing your forward momentum. I am also here to tell you that there will come a day when you simply cannot continue to push. Think of it this way. You have a lamp with a burnt out bulb. Do you just keep trying to turn it on, pretending everything is business as usual? Or do you pause to get what you need before you try to have a light in the darkness? Right. Stop and get your bulb.
Third? Stop saying yes. You may feel guilty about declining invitations, especially when it feels like everyone is suddenly going out. All. The. Time. You are not them. This is not a race. There is no prize. So if you’re burnt out, trying to do ALL the things you’ve been waiting for is a losing battle. I know, I know. But Meg! you say. What about movies?! Restaurants? Shopping? Well, first, this introvert would recoil in horror. But after that, I’d say this: take the perspective gained from the last two years and use it to help you choose wisely. Don’t feel like contributing to the school bake sale? Say no. I promise, the sky will not fall. You’d rather eat ground glass than go have drinks with your coworkers this week? Say no. Seriously, y’all see plenty of one another already.
Ultimately, be honest with yourself about what you need. Then do it. Millions of Americans have decided their jobs make them miserable for one reason or another, and thus The Great Resignation was born. When everything is sideways and upside down, you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to force yourself to try to be “back to normal,” because normal doesn’t live here anymore. Back to normal is like the good ol’ days — it’s an idea, not reality. The reality is that life has gotten harder, and we owe it to ourselves and one another to drop the bullshit and take care of ourselves and one another.
While I wish I could have had different experiences than I did early in the pandemic, I also had to let go of control. It was hard. It’s still hard.
