People are not having sex
It’s not hard to imagine why sex might not be on everyone’s mind these days. Famine, plague, political unrest, war, etc. can not only ruin your day/week/month/year/etc. It can also kill your sex drive.
Initially, this was recognized in population data for the last couple of decades. The number of babies born in America has been steadily declining since about 2007, when the beginning of the financial crisis was just gaining some momentum. Those who saw the writing on the wall, particularly young marrieds who were considering buying homes, quickly realized that this wasn’t their parents’ real estate market. Instead, they stuck with rentals, bought condos, or moved to states where the financial decline hadn’t yet taken hold. Starting a new family? Thanks, but no thanks.
What do I mean by decline? Consider that from 2007 to 2010 alone, the number of babies born in the US declined by roughly 10%, over a quarter-million fewer. While this freefall slowed briefly between 2010 and 2014, the numbers have declined by an additional 10% since 2016. (Hang in there. I promise, the sex stuff is coming. Oh, wait…)
Now, a decline in birth rates may indicate some significant changes in American life over the last two decades. (I have never written a more loaded understatement in my life.) For couples and families hit hardest by financial woes in the late 2000’s, many chose to put household growth on the backburner while they struggled for economic stability. Still others put it on hold entirely, citing the impossible choices parenthood now demanded: The cost of childcare devoured a significant portion of annual income, but having one parent stay home instead was also a financial blow. It also meant that many people who might have once coupled up and started families were more likely to choose other life paths. Careers took center stage, more people were traveling or relocating frequently for work. People stayed single more often, or chose to put family on hold in favor of other priorities, sometimes citing time as a luxury they were loathe to share. The busier we are, the less we have left over for ourselves, let alone other people, as it were.
Finally, in the wake of Sandy Hook (and now Uvalde), the fears surrounding school safety introduced a whole new level of anxiety to contemporary parenting. In case anyone thought it was time to relax, the Robb Elementary School tragedy in Uvalde, TX put that terror right back in the PTSD-riddled lives of parents or potential parents from coast to coast.
Ok, the sex stuff. I promised.
It isn’t just birthrates which have declined in recent years — there is also the act of sex itself. If you think you’re the only one who isn’t getting any, consider yourself in a somewhat frustrated and lonely majority. One reason adults, and teens, feel disconnected and lonely recently is that we are, quite literally, disconnected. Even as lockdowns have started to fade into hazy fever-dreams, Americans have remained in the cold: More than a quarter of adults in the US reported having no sex in 2021. Zero. Nada.
Sure, we can point to COVID for an awful lot of things, including this trend of no thing, but that would ignore that in the years leading up to the pandemic, there was a downward trend in these numbers, as well. It would also ignore the constant technological demands on our time and attention which have grown exponentially in the last two decades. Texting, chat and dating apps, games, news, media — every click, tap, or swipe pulls our attention deeper into our devices and further from in-person, human connection.
Now, just because people aren’t having sex does not mean that the desire to do so is absent. It’s also that in the effort to conform to guidelines like those put forth in FOSTA-SESTA, the internet giants have cracked down on sexual content of all varieties. Facebook, Instagram and TikTok have banned all sexual content, while Twitter “technically” allows it, but cloaks all possible users who post such content so as to make them essentially invisible. Add that to the significant restriction of sexual education in schools across the country, and you have an overall repression that would make Queen Victoria proud. If information and conversations about sex, even in an educational sense (like the filters on school computers which won’t allow high schoolers to research certain kinds of cancer, or look up facts about birth control or reproduction), is being banned on the internet? It may or may not be deterring sex traffickers, which was ostensibly the original goal, but it is removing sex from the modern lexicon within the biggest “social” communities on the planet.
I don’t have to tell you how much this sweeping, smothering concern for the safety of young people does not line up with with any of what is actually, physically happening in American right now, do I? No? Good.
We also have a “mental health crisis” in the country (this is in quotes because it is bandied about so often without clarification or ideas for action, it is losing all meaning). If you’re depressed or anxious or feeling particularly awkward after being away from people for months and months, you may not be ready to put yourself out there. Lots of folks, in the wake of the public unrest over the last few years, have some trust issues which make them less willing to partner up. Speaking of which, could we just acknowledge that there is a dystopian, Atwood-esque cultural and Constitutional movement in the country that has increased tensions between the sexes? Indeed, the conflict regarding bodily autonomy, religion, which part of whose rights takes priority over those of others…these sound like a death knell for the female libido, and likely that of a number of men, too.
Finally, the work from home (WFH) movement. If you don’t need to leave the house for work, can have groceries and take-out delivered without having to speak to another human? The possibility of chance encounters or impromptu socializing drops to nothing, leaving lots of us, including those who are experiencing new and/or significantly higher levels of anxiety, depression, etc., without personal contact for weeks, likely exacerbating the overall trend.
What I can tell you? This is symptomatic of larger cultural sticking points that are becoming crises. Trust, community, courtesy, common sense, the greater good, safety and opportunity, all of these hallmarks of the best a society can offer are being sandblasted by paternal governmental overreach and a lack of a support structure that addresses social, economic, and educational iniquities. And guys? If you get lucky, make sure she does, too.
